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[23 Jan 2006|02:58pm] |
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music |
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panic! at the disco. |
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hm. soo, break from classes was nothing short of amazing. it was full of brittany&&jamie, MANY trips to the diner, andd just being crazy. also a lot of shitty work. butt what can yuh do. hmm. i also found out crazy late that i hadn't passed my math class. GREAT. so i suck at life. && now i have to retake it. it sucks, a lot. butt, school this semester i'm hoping is great. so far, it totally is. my friends, are awesome.
so today on the way to pick up aaron for class, it was rainy, && traffic was horrible..and my car decided to overheat. i was like SHITT. anddd i turned off my car. it wouldn't restart. so here i am, in the center lane on route 130, with backed up traffic to begin with. && now i'm becoming the cause of MORE traffic. It was the worst feeling ever. i'm crying, and trying to start my car up. buttt, it wasn't happening. soo finally, somehow i get it to start. i drive to the closest gas station. and the little bit i drove, made my car overheat like whoa. soo, yeah. finally my dad gets there. anddd i had no water in my car. causing the overheatage. guhh! he filled it up. && yeahhh. as of then it was 930ish. i followed him home. we went to another gas station near home, andd my dad filled my constant leaking tires. and i was all set to go. i couldn't miss class. so i champed it, and went to class anyway. except french cause i got to ccc too late. i'm glad i came to classes today, because my friends make everything a lot better. soo yeah. its been a better day than i thought it would be. lets see how the ride home goes.
sooo, that was my crazy day. guhh, i felt like dying.
on a side note- my english teacher didn't wear a crazy cat vest today. i'll finish this later though.
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[25 Dec 2005|03:11pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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lalala..fall out boy. |
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hmm. merry christmasss folks. :) i'm pretty satisfied with my christmas. lots of clothes, cds (PLANS being one of them. and i've been awaiting that cd for months) dvds, a new nightstand (thankkkk god) a pretty sweet mp3 player, and other shittt. tonight willl be filled with family, and my best friends. drinking, andd having FUN. hehe its gonna be good<3 wooooo. happy holidaysss everyoneee. yayayayay.
<333!
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[14 Dec 2005|03:54pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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Rilo Kiley- Does he love you? |
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Dear Friend,
Get a real job, keep the wind at your back and the sun on your face. All the immediate unknowns are better than knowing this tired and lonely fate. Does he love you, does he love you? Will he hold your tiny face in his hands? I guess its spring i didn't know, it's always seventy five with no melting snow. A married man, he visits me, i recieve his letters in the mail twice a week. i think he loves me, and when he leaves her, he's coming out to california.
I guess it all worked out, theres a ring on your finger and the baby's due out. You share a place by the park and run a shop for antiques downtown. He loves you, yeah he loves you and the two of your will soon become three. He loves you even though you used to say you were flawed if you weren't free. Let's not forget ourselves, good friend. You and I were almost dead. You're better off for leaving, you're better off for leaving.
Late at night, I get the phone. You're at the shop sobbing all alone. Your confession, it's coming out. You only married him because you felt your time was running out. Now you love him, and your baby. At last, you are complete. But he's distant, and you found him on the phone pleading, saying "Baby i love you and i'll leave her and i'm coming out to california.." Lets not forget ourselves, good friend. I am flawed if i'm not free. Your husband will never leave you, he will never leave you for me.
Yours,
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[07 Dec 2005|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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mae- breakdown |
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soo. last night was silverstein & hawthorne. it was pretty awesome. the only thing that bothers me at shows are the gay little girls that wear short skirts & high heels to shows. do they even listen to the bands?! it just bothers me. lol. andd the line for merchandise was worse than the line was at the used. anddd, thats pretty crazy. hm. soo, i don't know. i've been feeling up&down emotionally lately. who knows why. i'm soo weird. one day i'm okay, andd happy. the next day, i guess i think too much and i cry a lot. ugh. but yeah, i should just chill out. i need to feel laid back again. it NEEDS to happen. umm. the semester is almost over. i'm kind of worried only because i know my psych grade is going to be horrible. andd who knows what my other grades are. UGH. i'm excited for next semester. french with jamie&brittany. woo. um. i'm also excited about the fact that we get a fucking month off. ahhhh! i'm over-joyed. lol but anyway..enough babbling. i think i'll just end it here. peace outtt.
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[14 Nov 2005|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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death cab for cutie- someday you will be loved |
] |
11-16-05..sigh. here we go. i miss you. i thought i had these feelings beat. but apparently theres no getting around the way i feel about you, and how you're the only person who makes me melt. :\ when i finally think i'm okay, i'm not. and you're fine now. you don't need me. ughh. today just isn't a good day. i'll be fine tomorrow. ignore this.
You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep
And every time tears roll down you cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
And someday you will be loved
You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
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[31 Oct 2005|07:57pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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the postal service- clark gable |
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sooo..its been a while. lets see. my life has pretty much been boring. i'm either working, going to class or doing something with brittany. its pretty crazy. my parents went away a couple weekends ago. brittany stayed here. dave & tony came over saturday night, it was lots of fun. i was pretty disappointed i couldn't have my party as planned. bleh. buttt, yeah. i don't know whats going on lately. i'm real sick, and i have been for like 3 weeks. its off & on. one day i feel great & the next i feel like a train wreck. i have a horrible feeling i might have mono. and i know who it would be from. why do i always get myself in shitty situations. i'm so pissed at myself. because, i wish i would've realized what he was doing, and that he was a complete jerk, a lying asshole. butt, whatever. soo, i'm gonna go get tested for this freaking mono. it could also be from the lack of thyroid medicine i've been taking, or NOT taking. heh. hopefully i get better soon.
last night was amazing. i went to matt's halloween party. i went as a tavern girl. it was cute. some hotties there. got my drink on. brittany, jamie & i danced hardcore. along with many other men. scott was hilarious. anddd, brandon singing to me was sooo good. hahaha. i'm definatly partying there more often. i don't remember the drive home. oops.
this weekend i have off, friday & saturday. woooooo. i hope dave & i hang out, but who knows. either way, i'm excited to have both days off. hmm, ACC's are coming up. brittany & i plan on riding the bus to scranton to support all our loves. hehe. i'm excited for them. weeee. but yeah. i have nothing more to write about. hm, until next time bitchessss.
i'm struggling to breathe
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[10 Oct 2005|08:56pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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music |
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the faint- erection |
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just want to let you all know i'm still alive. when i have something good to write i'll update again. recently i've made some mistakes. butt, i'm dealing with it just fine. anddd, i'm gonna update with some GOOD shit soon. buttt, yeah. kay thanks, byee.
♥ oh oh oh erectionnnn.
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[03 Oct 2005|06:37pm] |
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contemplative |
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music |
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i can make a mess..-an oak tree stands beside a linden |
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so i don't know whats going on. i think i'm just having a weird day. but i can't stop thinking. what the heck is wrong with me. i'm happy..but i don't want to be hurt.
i'm gonna leave it at that :) cause i don't want to regret saying anymore.
shes now scared, she says "i, i can't please myself
and its you, who i can't be from"
unless, empty stares, did you find them there?
always by your side, knowing nothing
well its always right
and we've come oh so far
to gain some strength and now we've
pulled too hard. and now all you want is gone
and now i'm all i've got
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[01 Oct 2005|10:12am] |
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mood |
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curious |
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music |
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jacks mannequin- kill the messenger |
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hm..i haven't updated in a few days. nothing too interesting has happened. brittany and i blew my tire the other night. hahaa, that was amazing. then we watched andy milanokis together.."I'M A COUPON!" hahahaha, its so funny. we tried finding the swampinator, but he's hiding under his bridge. so that was unsuccessful. hm, i hung out with my super awesome friend jeff thursday night. it was tons of fun, we are always laughing. he's good times. um, last night, brittany and i went over to jamies after we both got done work. listened to get up kids, and talked. then watched her hamster run into walls. haha, thats always fun. i can't wait til we go to NC together. its gonna be a blasttttttt. party every night. lol. hm, i'm not sure what i'm doing tonight. i guess i'll find out when i get out of work. this update is very scattered. its not even in order..random. haha. i guess i'm in a weird mood this morning. last night i tried going to bed at a decent hour, and then i called nick. and we caught up since we haven't talked in like 2 weeks. then, i was almost asleep and jeff called me. haha, but i was happy he did. butt, it just shows theres no sleeping at a decent hour for tara. lol
anyway- i guess i should get ready for work and shit. i hope something good happens tonight. lol
leave some comments, bitches. <3
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[22 Sep 2005|12:27pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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anna nalick- breathe. |
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blehhh. i'm pretty tired of my routine life. its really starting to get to me. i LOVE school, and everyone i've met there. andd just everything about it. but i HATE work. and i hate that any free time i have, is spent at work. i haven't seen jen in like a month. or so it feels like. brittany got her wisdom teeth out, anddd i planned on spending time with her while shes sick, buttt work just totally runs me down. so i miss her incredibly. i can't honestly say that i'm happy right now. i'm just content. i miss the summer a whole fucking lot. i miss the random beach trips, blasting our music and dancing like nuts in the car, partying whenever we wanted. i miss dock trips at 2am. i miss tom, scott, jackie, eileen..and so many others. BLEH. this is a super emo update. butt, its just how i'm feeling. i mean i'm not terribly like depressed. i'm just not haaaaapppy. like i was. guys pretty much suck right now for me. i wish i was the type of girl that guys wanted. blehhhhhh. i need to change myself. lol.
well. dan and i are hanging out friday. should be fun. haven't seen him in a while. andddd then saturday i have work UGH, and then i'm hopefully going to the triton show, to see my girlssss. because i love and miss them oh so much. lol <3
leave me some comments, i'm hoping for a happier update soon. lol
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[12 Sep 2005|02:23pm] |
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confused |
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BRITTANY! <3 |
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sigh. well i'm pretty upset. everything amazing about the past week, just kind of stopped. and this time not dwindled, just came to a complete stop. i'm fine though. i'm not going to sit here and cry over a guy i only talked to for a week or so. i am upset, only because i hate the fact that i know nothing right now. i just basically got told there will be another date and we will talk. andddd, now it seems to be lies. this is the first guy i can't seem to shake in a while. i've been good with dating and just letting people go, but for some reason this one hurts. and i feel like an ass for that, because it wasn't even long to the point where people would expect hurt. bleh. i wish he would just tell me straight up how it is, because its not the end of my world if he just tells me he doesn't want to talk to me. i won't like fucking kill myself because he doesn't like me. thats definatly his fucking loss. although i actually feel horrible about myself because of this, brittany and jen tell me that he is just thinking with his dick and not about how great i am all around. i guess this is true. i love nick for trying to help me out by hooking me up with this guy, buttt, i'm also kind of regretful. i kind of regret it, because i know he made me smile a whole lot, anddddd now its like done.
ummm. i did think that maybe i was thinking too hard about this whole situation and that he would call me and that everything was fine, i was just being stupid or soemthing. buttt, i definatly now feel almost positive that thisss whole thing is done. anddd its a definate he doesn't like me. oh well, life goes on.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :\ cheer me up please.
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[09 Sep 2005|10:58am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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acceptance- this conversation is over |
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lets see. long time no update. lol. welllll, lately things have been pretty awesome. i guess we can start out with saturday. we had a bbq on saturday. too bad i had to work at 4:30. buttt yeah, my cousin came. we talked. he's my favorite. lol. thennn, i left for work. i got home, my like great aunt and uncle had to sleep over cause they are too old to drive home late at night, haha. so they took over my bed. i was tossed to the couch. lol. my dad got crazy drunk. so drunk that he threw pretzels at me. and one hit my in the middle of my forehead. and then a few went down my shirt. i was like, what the hell just happeend. lol. anyway, he went to bed. i talked on the phone with a few people. nick introduced me to his friend vince. he got my number, and called me later on that night. he is amazing. lol. saturday night turned out to be goooooood. lol. sooo, sunday was THE USED! AHHHHHHHHH! i woke up pumped. haha, then brittany and i hung out and ran some errands. we got to jamies at 4 and then left by 430. the ride there was pretty fucking suhweet. haha, we got there, and i stuffed melissa's camera in my boobs. since, mine are big enough to hide basically anything. haha. we get in, and get great front spots. then this band called 'day of contempt' came on. their drummer was freaking breathtaking. and i couldn't stop like googling over him. holy crap, he had the cutest like mole thingy right by his right eye. sighhh, he was REALLY cute. haha. thennn a few other bands went on. ash and i spotted bam. thennn, after FOREVER the used finally came on. anddddddddddddd, it was incredible. before the used came on, some crazy bitches started pulling on me. so ash and i threw down. haha. but yeah, burt spit his water on ussss. i was never happier. haha. i can't explain how amazing it was, but it definatly made me the happiest tara ever. buttt yeah, i called vince on the ride home. he's so awesome. we talked. danced around in jamies car. hmm, then when i got home i called vince again. we talked for a while. andddd every night since then we've talked. anddd, i'm really happy. he's taking me out on saturday. dinner and a movie i think. i'm REALLY excited. honestly, he says all the right things. everything i ever wanted in a guy. so hopefully this one stays amazing like this, unlike every other guy i get into, the amazing-ness fades after 3 weeks. lol oh well.
but i'm going to class early to meet up with brittany for an hour. cause we're best friends and spend as much time as we can with eachother. hehe. thenn after my class ends at 2, i might go out. buttt i'm not sure. then i have to call work and see if they need me. i'm crossing my fingers that they dont. cause scott comes home tonight, and i must see him i miss him to death.
enjoyyy. leave me comments!
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[30 Aug 2005|07:24pm] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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Straylight Run- the perfect ending |
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i'm really confused right now. :\
anyway- today was pretty boring. got to school. english was pretty sweet. then erica, ash and i walked to the community center. then we all parted to go to our classes. after math, which is a total waste of my time, i had an hour or so. i sat in my car for a little bit talking to nick on the phone. i love that kid. hmm, then i decided to walk around. i've found a super amazing spot where i love to sit. sooo, i sat there, talked to nick some more. thenn, headed to psych. which went by pretty fast compared to monday, so that was cool. my teacher kind of goes off on rants about things that mean nothing to the class. crazy old man. haha. anyway, after that, i headed home. picked up ariel, dea and kels and took them to the mall. then came home again. now, i'm just sitting around. relaxing. wondering what tonight will be like compared to last. tomorrow i have work from 9:30am-6. should be pretty sucky. buttt i need the money.
you peel back the layers
and get down to the inside
but sometimes you lose sight
of what it was you were trying to find.
and its that sort of thing
that makes you think too much
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[26 Aug 2005|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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matchbook romance- In transit (for you) |
] |
first of all. last night was incredible. after work, dan met me. we drove home. i was so happy to see him! hehe. anyway, so yeah. after we got home, he looked around my room..anddd then we headed over to the highschool for the preview show. i'm so happy. i miss it a lot. and i'm so proud of the progress they're making so far. its amazing. by ACC's they'll be insane. hehe. i'm pretty sure dan enjoyed himself. hehe. after that, we met with all of them. i introduced my wacky friends to dan. he loves them..and they love him. hehe. hmm, then dan and i peaced out. on our way out, we saw scott. so him and dan talked. god, i'm so excited. hehe. they like eachother. this is incredible. anyway, dan and i headed to the deleware river, we just sat and looked at the skyline. listened to music. sighh. even saw some fireworks. it was absolutly amazing. he gives me butterflys. hehe. so we did that for a while. then he had to go, cause he has to be big manly man and close the store he works at, because the little girls can't. hehe. soo yeah, it was hard saying goodbye to him. its kind of crazy how i'm already having a hard time saying goodbye. insane. he definatly makes me happier than ever. i can't even explain it. i just have to keep my feet on the ground for now. lol
this morning i woke up by an instant message from jen. then she called me. we went down the shore. it was fricken suhweet. well before we left we picked up jackie. headed down there. hit some traffic. oh man..then on the bridge jen and i were showing off our suhweet dancing skills to backstreet boys..and some canadian man in a van gave us thumbs up. we are pretty freakin hot. lol hmm. once we got down there, we parked and headed to the beach. we layed out for an hour and a half i guess. thenn headed back to the car. changed..and went to the boardwalk. we went to eat at this place called "the hot spot" andd i got a chicken salad wrap. well..half way through me eating the first half of the wrap, i noticed something unusual in it. so i pulled it out, and it was a lonnnng peice of plastic. mmm yum. well i hate being one to complain..but i didn't mind a free meal. so i told them, politely. and i got a free slice of pizza and didn't have to pay for my meal. SUHWEET. haha, anyway, then we walked some more. got polish water ice, ahhhmazing. andd then got our palms read. i love getting my palms read. this lady was super good too. told me a lot. hehe, andd after our palms we decided to head home cause we were tired and sunburnt. lol. the ride home was mellow. besides when we listened to hanson. they rocked. lol. anndd i just got home and got showered. now the girls might possibly come over later. anddd hopefully i talk to my danniel laterrrr. hehe :) who knowsss.
buttt, this weekend was incredible and i'm really not ready to start college. i'm actually, to be honest, really nervous. i'm probably thinking too much, but i really am sooo anxious. why do i get this horrible anxiety sometimes..sigh. anyway, comment on my update cause you know you love me oh so freaking much. hehe<3
take this broken heart and make it right
<3
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[26 Aug 2005|11:01am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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fall out boy- sugar we're going down |
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jen is home. SUHWEEET. haha, last night we went out for a little bit. not too long cause she was dead tired. definatly understandable. crazy hardcore camp does that. anyway, but i missed her so much.
tonight is the preview show. i'm VERY excited. dan is coming with me. :)! i'm verrrrrrrry happy. lol sooo yeah, after the preview..i think dan and i are going to sit by the dock. its a pretty place at night! :)
anyway- i'll update tonight or tomorrow. <3
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[23 Aug 2005|07:35pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Mae- sun (acoustic) |
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oh my goodness. today scott and i went to ramblewood to visit our sexy bitches. it made me so happy. i didn't realize the extent of how much i missed jen until i saw her, and just talking made me happy. all my boys looked hot. i missed them. i got some sweaty hugs, they're the best. mike ran up to me and we just like collided. gosh, he's soooo incredible. the girls have like pictures of me up in their cabin room. god, i miss it so much its sad. lol. butt, sam told me he missed me, and wanted to find a way to get me back in color guard. anddd that maybe i could help next year. SUHWEET. I sat by the pool with my ladies. I swear everytime i'm near a pool with my clothes on, scott, chris or rob try to push me in. its crazy. but today i held strong. and stayed dry. haha. t-siz and pete showed up. we all just hung outtt. and then i took some sexy pictures with all my hotties. lol, and we headed up to the field, because they started practice again. i wanted to stay and watch, but scott wanted to get going. sooo i said my goodbyes. i almost cried when jen and i hugged for 15 minutesss. ughhh, shes my best friend. i can't wait for the preview show on friday, i love it.
anyway- i'm so happy with how today went. sucks that tomorrow i work 2-10..but oh well. i can deal with it. i'm in such a better mood now that i saw everyone..<3 YAY! hehe
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[22 Aug 2005|12:40am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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rise against- swing life away |
] |
hm. yet another update. brittany came over tonight. we did our usual, talked about stuff. i had alot on my mind to get out. then scott surprised us by just showing up. hehe, just layed around, and eventually went to philly. i called nick to see if he wanted to meet up with us. he wound up not being able to. :( mer. umm, we just basically drove around, listening to music. i love scott and britt. we just chilled. listened to music and talked. i was upset i didn't get to see nick, but he says when he gets his license he'll pick me up and we'll chill. suhweeet. he's such an incredible friend. hm, so after we got lost in the ghetto. we headed home. raced a few people. that was fun. then eventually picked up derrek. umm, yeah. thenn drove back to my house. we all talked out front of my house, shared sex stories. haha. funnn. and then they left. i got in. talked to nick. thenn got online and here i am. yeaaaah. tonight wound up being better than i thought. hehe, thanks to the greatest people ever.
tomorrow morning scott is picking me up. we're heading to camp to visit our sexy bitches. i'm so excited. ahhh, i can't wait, honestly. tomorrow shall be GOOD.
leave me some comments, jeeze.
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[21 Aug 2005|06:23pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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death cab for cutie- a lack of color |
] |
i'm doing it again. sighhhh. why can't i just feel normal. :\
maybe being with brittany and possibly scott tonight, it will make me feel better. i think by not taking my thyroid medicine for over 2 months, i'm messing myself up again. ughhh..ignore this post.
if you feel discouraged
and theres a lack of color here
please don't worry lover
its really bursting at the seams
from absorbing everything.
this is fact not fiction for the first time in years..
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[21 Aug 2005|12:34pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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music |
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bloc party- banquet |
] |
hmm. well, i have a few days off. i'm so happy. today i'm just gonna relax, maybe clean out my car. i was supposed to pick my classes today, who knows. jen is at camp. i can't wait to see her and everyone tomorrow. um, yeah.
i worked 12:30-7:30 yesterday. it was actually a pretty awesome day. maria, bahnessa (vanessa), and i were crazy. after i got out of work, brittany called. i went over there, and we layed in her bed and talkeddd. thenn, she did her hair and we went to pick up derrek (sp?). thenn, yeah. we went to colonial. i saw kmac and lindz there, and it made me super happy. kmac got the quesadilla's, and i said "make yourself some dang quesadilla's!" really loud and the waitress came over and we had a super awesome talk about napoleon dynamite. it was pretty fricken sweet. we listened to music. and derrek smoked like a freaking chimney. lol then he walked into the girls bathroom instead of the guys. and i laughed really hard. gooooood stuff. we left, and i went home. talked to some people online. then brittany called me, and we talked about what happened. thenn, i talked to dan some more online. yeaaaaaaah. anddd, then eventually i got offline. i curled up in bed and read some more of my cosmo. then eventually read myself to sleep. it was pretty cool.
today is gonna be nice. i'm kind of confused right now. and i don't know why. buttt oh well. bitches, leave me some commentsss! <3
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[19 Aug 2005|05:56pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
] |
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music |
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head automatica- beating heart baby |
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hmm. well yesterday was incredible. chris had a band thing at his house. i missed some of those kidsss. such as mike angelini and wyatt. andd, erin. anddd..many moree! jen and i made asses out of ourselves. but everyone loves us. hahaa. scott attacked jen and i. we totally killed him. cause we rock. "get me a beer kait" HAHA. i love jen. buttt yeah. i had so much fun. mer, scott leaves for college soon. i don't think i'm going to be able to handle it. with him and t-siz leaving, its going to be really hard. buttt sigh, we don't talk about that right now.
jen talked to dan last night. i'm really excited. because we think him and mike will get along really good. hehe. friday, i work til 6. dan will be shopping, and then he's following me home from work :)! thenn, we're going to the preview show. and probably just having fun afterwarddd with jen and mike. i'm so happy right now. dan is like amazing, andd i am just blown away that someone like him found me. god, this is too good to be true. lol. i feel like a loser. jen made fun of me last night cause she said when i'm on the phone with him, i don't stop smiling. sighhh. :) its true. can't wait to see where this goessss. lol <3 jeeeeze, you make me happier than everrr. *blush face* lol
anyway- jen leaves me tomorrow. but i managed to switch with someone so i have off tuesday, and i can go to visitors day at camp. i'm so excited. ahhh. but yess. i think i'm gonna take a nap. <3 leave me some beautiful comments cause they make me get a fuzzy feeling inside. ;) hahaha<3
BRITTANY I LOVE YOU..I MISS YOU TOO! <3
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xtaraxmariex's journal